Grace and Truth

…all the words of this life…


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Faith to keep going

It takes as much faith to stay where God has brought you to as to get there in the first place.

When He told you to go, you obeyed in faith, like Abraham, unquestioning.

It was hard to go, to leave behind all that you knew, even though it was a place that became too small. But the sense of the unknown, the anticipation of adventure ahead led you to follow Him to the promised land.

But you didn’t know there would be giants there.

You were shocked at the size of them as you entered the gates.

The fruit of their unrighteousness was massive.

One by one they came against you.  Blow after blow.  Cut you down till you thought you would never recover. Till you were sure your body would be always broken, your mind might just go.

One more giant and you will be broken for good, you think.

You begin to look back longingly to Egypt.  You forget the slavery and hard bondage and remember the flesh-pots and the yummy cucumbers you enjoyed there.

You thought the promised land would be different.

What am I doing here?

It takes as much faith to STAY where God has put you as to get there in the first place.

It takes vision to see past the giants and the constant battering to see the beauty, the freshness, the new thing that God is doing.

Occasionally you catch a glimpse before the next blow lands.

Sure you’d heard the stories of the children of Israel…but you didn’t know you would actually have to face a fierce battle to take new territory.  They were just Bible stories right?  Nah, it’s actually real, you discover. A picture of what is happening in the spiritual realm when God moves you to a new place.

Will you stay?

Or will you go back?

Then one day the last giant is gone.  Of course you didn’t know at the time it would be the last giant. That was the biggest one.  The last-ditch effort to destroy your faith and send you packing.

And then as you lie on the blood-soaked ground, not wanting to examine your wounds, wondering how or if you will ever recover from this… God sends a messenger to you out from Himself.  A kind one who sits with you, tends your wounds, listens to your trauma, acknowledges what you’ve had to face.  One who looks like he’s faced a few beatings himself.

He helps you up and walks with you. 

Did I fail Lord by even wanting to go back?

No, He says, you have overcome: because you are still here, and you are still following Me.

Eventually you look up and see the sunlight bouncing on the leaves in the promised land, you notice the air here feels freer.

You don’t just believe God is good anymore, you know it, deep within your being.  Because every time you thought this giant was the one who would kill you, a Man with scarred hands would show up on your behalf. 

And now you have scars too. 

And then the people start coming to you, one by one.  There is need here too in the promised land.  And suddenly you see that the scars and the desolation is what will be used to help others to overcome and bear their Master’s scars too.

“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19

Don’t give up my friend, the Lord Himself fights for you.  He sees you, He loves you, He will carry you.  Keep looking ahead, moving forward.  Don’t look back, forget the former things, He wants you to stand in the new thing He is doing. He has much for you to do.


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Grief and the Song of Moses

Grief is strange.

You go along fine for a while. And then all of a sudden…another wave descends, and you are plunged beneath the depths of it. It encompasses you and you have no choice but to let it carry you along for a while.

Then after you’ve been thrown around for a bit, after you’re soaked through with tears and your heart pierced with pain and memories, the grief sets you down and rolls away again.

Until the next wave….

Last August my friend Jenny went to be with the Lord. It was sudden, unexpected.

Four days after Jenny went, my Grandma also went to be Jesus.

I went into shock when my Grandma went.

Jenny called me “her angel”….Jenny was “my Jenny”.
Grandma called me “dearest”…..I called her my “Granny Apple-Bee”, or GAB for short.

I miss them so much.

I don’t understand why they had to go at the same time.

But I know Jesus. And even though it was terrible and painful and incomprehensible, and sometimes still is, yet will I trust Him. He is my life. Without Him I am undone.

My Grandma’s favourite hymn was “I am weak, but thou art strong”. OH Lord help me.

My Jenny’s favourite song was “The Song of Moses”. I still haven’t been able to listen to it since she went home but I am putting the link here for you to watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF-Ald7IPfA in honour of her and my Granny-Apple-Bee. It is one of the most beautiful songs in the world, straight from Revelation 15.

I love knowing that they are with Him in heaven singing the Song of Moses and of the Lamb.

God bless you this Passover season


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God of All Comfort

Jesus I love you so much.
I thank you that you are in control of everything.
The times and seasons are truly in your hands.
You are the great and mighty God,
How wonderful are your ways.

What you take from us with your left hand,
You give back to us with your right hand.
You will never leave us comfortless
Because you have sent the Comforter.

God you know what we feel,
God you know what we go through,
God you know loss,
Your only begotten Son died too.

But He rose again
And He is the first fruits
The others will be resurrected in the last day too
“Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together
With them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air:
And so shall we ever be with the Lord”

I choose to praise you
I will exalt your Holy Name
‘Cause even though I don’t understand everything
One thing I know for sure
Is that you are worthy to be praised
And you are on the Throne
My Jesus


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Human selfishness, self-absorption and self-focus become absolutely stark in the face of losing two of the most selfless, giving women I have ever known. I lost my Jenny, on Saturday. I lost my Grandma on Tuesday night.

Jenny was my friend, my helper for 3 years in the food pantry, my support, my encourager, the glue that held things together.

Grandma was part of the foundation of who I am. She was someone who loved me unconditionally, unreservedly. She was my Granny-Apple-Bee.

Both women have gone home to Christ, and for that I am so grateful. yet I still feel I have been kicked in the guts. The pain I feel for them is real physical pain. that has surprised me.

I miss them so much. And I don’t know who to grieve for. sometimes I cry over jenny, I think of her phone calls, her telling me I’m special. I think of her real, down-to-earth practical help and I know that she is unique.

sometimes I cry for my grandma. when I heard that she haad gone I cried out for her “grandma, grandma, I want my grandma” I went into shock and shook uncontrollably.

I don’t know why im writing this on here it s so raw, but I feel I must.

when I think of Jesus saying “the son of man came not to be served, but to serve” I have seen that literally in these two women and I miss them more.


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Jenny

Your name means ‘white light’
And that is so true
For to me you were an angel
Although that is what you called me

The last time you spoke to me
You said “My angel is here” and
“I love you, always remember that”
How could I forget?

I felt your great love
In your big hugs,
Your words,
Your big, big heart.
You took food around
But not only that:
More importantly
You took with it
Love
and
Kindness
You never judged
Just hugged

I will always remember
Your support,
Your encouragement,
Your 9:30 Wednesday morning phone calls
Your coming in late Friday mornings
(After mopping your floor)
Your prayers for your boys
Your being the first, always the first
I can’t wait to see you in Heaven
With that bright crown
On your head
So humble
Now so exalted
I miss you Jen, I love you my friend, my angel
I thank God for you