Human selfishness, self-absorption and self-focus become absolutely stark in the face of losing two of the most selfless, giving women I have ever known. I lost my Jenny, on Saturday. I lost my Grandma on Tuesday night.

Jenny was my friend, my helper for 3 years in the food pantry, my support, my encourager, the glue that held things together.

Grandma was part of the foundation of who I am. She was someone who loved me unconditionally, unreservedly. She was my Granny-Apple-Bee.

Both women have gone home to Christ, and for that I am so grateful. yet I still feel I have been kicked in the guts. The pain I feel for them is real physical pain. that has surprised me.

I miss them so much. And I don’t know who to grieve for. sometimes I cry over jenny, I think of her phone calls, her telling me I’m special. I think of her real, down-to-earth practical help and I know that she is unique.

sometimes I cry for my grandma. when I heard that she haad gone I cried out for her “grandma, grandma, I want my grandma” I went into shock and shook uncontrollably.

I don’t know why im writing this on here it s so raw, but I feel I must.

when I think of Jesus saying “the son of man came not to be served, but to serve” I have seen that literally in these two women and I miss them more.